whoa now, back from the land of all things dark. i took my head out of the clouds long enough to realize that my birthday is in 48 hours. 17 means big things... now i can legally see R rated movies alone, and drink alcohol. okay, sike on the ladder example. i could do that at 16.

my friends and me will be spending the evening at lucky cheng's for some promised mayhem and stripping cross dressers. fake ID's and sleezy lower east side bars might also make an appearance.

stay tuned, i promise to document all the antics with pictures and tales. cross your fingers that said updates will not include any mention of jail cells and/or statutory rape.

if thats the way it is, then thats the way it is...

you never got it because i never wanted you to get it. i don't know how else to put it. i realized that everytime i think about going 3,000 miles away the only place that i really want to go is back to my head circa two years ago. something about that felt okay and constant. i used to think loneliness was misery - then i started missing sitting down with strangers and putting everything i had into some stupid band. at least i was passionate.

in that letter, i promised i'd never forget you. i want you to know that i never did, never could.

sleep tight.

we go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls

last night i made the transition from happy drunk to emotional drunk. if you weren't there, consider yourself lucky. if you were there, i'm sorry. all i remember is dancing on bear's table and then suddenly sitting on the stone wall outside the merit store hysterically crying. then the next major image is of me walking down bear's stairs, missing, flying down the stairs and then i just kind of see a screen of black. sarah claims that this was hysterical, all i really have left of the downpour is cuts all over my left knee. oh, and post tumble i might have puked. a lot.

so.. seven shots of rum from another country = no longer my jam.

needless to say i woke up with one of the worst hangovers i've ever had. i kind of craved death and mexican at the same time. i went with a quesadilla from la salsa - so good. totally worth the 30 minute drive. and i went to coin star with lsat and made $95.06! that definitely helped ease the pain.

i have pictures from last night that may or may not be posted in the near future.

oh, and one week from today = MY BIRTHDAY! stoked.

lovestoned.

i don't want to go out anymore, and i cry til at least 3 in the morning, and this isn't like your everyday emo kid tearfest - this is solid ten minute blocks of heaving. and homework isn't even on my radar.

why, you ask?

because my radar is too busy being utterly and helplessly devoted to the O.C. no lies. i was super into the OC when i was in like eighth grade and wore lacoste and hoop earrings and now i've fallen for it once again. me and kesh were bored a few weeks ago and decided to watch season one just for the hell of it. and from then on, its been unstoppable. i've bought every season, and i watch religiously every night. summer, seth, coop (R.I.P), atwood - they feel like my best friends. i have a total crush on sandy cohen and i suddenly yearn to burn down model homes and run away on yachts for fun. (i made my friends come to the effing playground with me today to try and formulate an O.C.eqsue adventure. F+) and while i'm being totally honest... i am retardedly in love with ben mckenzie - i've been lurking him for the past few weeks and he is definitely the dreamiest thing on the O.C.

i've actually gone as far as asking erica to befriend ryan dunnowho (the now dead mega surfer and marissa's maybe crush Johnny Harper on the show) because he lives in brooklyn AND i have definitely seen every paparazzi picture of mischa barton from the past 3 years.

i watched the season three finale last night at around 2 a.m. and i thought i was ready for marissa's death but i definitely hadn't mentally prepared myself enough. just WHOA. season four is already tough for me, i couldn't get through the first episode without pausing every three or four minutes to take a sob-break.

ummm, ooooof?
and i'm totally loving every minute of this.