"Life is a risk."

i spent the better half of the afternoon crying about something i gave up years ago. i'm not sure what that says about me or my ability to 'savor every moment' - which is something i've been reluctant to do as of late. everything keeps getting more monotonous by the day... but instead of doing something about it, i just watch the afternoons pass by and come again. its beyond lackluster at this point. i've just accepted that it is what it is.

still, i can't help by wonder how i ended up back here again. i think its just a dumb combination of not learning from past mistakes and being too impulsive, mixed with the immersion of a jailbait pseudo wannabe scene that replaced something i was passionate about it. i had different dreams for myself at seventeen when i was sixteen - then again i think that may be true for every year of my life. but i can't help but think that i made a wrong turn somewhere along the way.

i had the opportunity to talk to four people today whom i rarely see anymore. i use the word 'opportunity' because i'd have to say that these are some of the most inspiring people i've ever met - people who know me on a different level, past being a teenager and past being in high school. its not even that they know me better than the rest of the world, or the people i spend all my time with - its just the fact that they got to know me when i was really getting to know myself, and have had a huge impact in shaping who i've become (or at least aspire to someday be). i emailed/ called/ texted them mostly to reminisce - but i ended every conversation feeling way better than i had when they started. whether it was thinking forward or just the fact that they helped me put everything in perspective, i remembered how lucky i am.



stay gold.